How can we disagree better?

March 27, 2024

To wrap up Season Four, the governors of Utah and Colorado join Governors Bredesen and Haslam to discuss their initiative to encourage Americans to disagree better

Senator Baker’s career was once described as “a product of his unique capacity to win the confidence and trust of even those with whom he fundamentally disagreed.” It’s harder to find Baker’s style in practice today, as disagreement has become more about scoring political points than finding areas of common ground.  Could we ever go back to a time of more civil – and productive – disagreement? A year-long campaign led by governors from adjacent states – and opposing parties – aims to test the waters and model a different, healthier way of debate. To wrap up Season Four of You Might Be Right, our hosts, former Tennessee Governors Phil Bredesen and Bill Haslam, spoke with Utah Governor Spencer Cox, a Republican, and Colorado Governor Jared Polis, a Democrat, about what they’ve learned and how we can all disagree better.

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“It doesn’t mean that everybody’s going to agree on every issue”

Utah Governor Spencer Cox, in his capacity as chair of the National Governors Association (NGA), the bipartisan organization of the nation’s governors, led the launch of the Disagree Better initiative last year. Cox noted that they considered taking on a variety of topics, from energy policy to healthcare costs, before realizing “we couldn’t solve any of the biggest problems affecting our country if we all hate each other and can’t even have conversations.” 

That realization prompted the launch of Disagree Better, which aims to help people “try to remember how to disagree without hating each other, how to work on problems even though we can stay true to our principles and hopefully look for some solutions where we can find them,” he said.

Both Cox and Colorado Governor Jared Polis, who has been closely involved in the initiative as NGA vice chair, emphasized that Disagree Better is not about finding areas of agreement or common ground (a different but related goal, they noted), but is instead focused on the fostering ability to disagree without demeaning the other person or point of view.

“It doesn’t mean that everybody’s going to agree on every issue. You can be conservative, liberal, moderate. This initiative is not about that,” said Polis. “It’s about making sure that you value where somebody’s coming from and their perspective, and you disagree in a way where you don’t demean or undermine the humanity of those whom you disagree with. In today’s political discourse, sadly it’s become all too common to question the patriotism, the humanity, the decency of people who just might happen to have a different opinion on a policy issue.”

“This is not an episode of the West Wing.”

Cox and Polis shared their thoughts about how we got to our current state of polarization, from the rise of social media and cable news to the nationalization of politics and the decline of institutions that have traditionally brought people together and fostered trust, such as religious and volunteer organizations. Both also acknowledged the varying degree to which that polarization impacts different levels of government.

“Building consensus between governors is generally easier than building consensus between the parties in Congress,” said Polis, who served in Congress for 10 years before being elected governor and got his start in politics as a member of the Colorado State Board of Education.

“I think there is a healthier democracy, and we do disagree better generally speaking at the local level and at the state level than nationally right now,” he added. “A lot of this national illness has unfortunately trickled down to local politics.”

Cox, who started his political career serving as a city councilor and mayor, agreed. “I can say I had always wished that every legislator had served on a city council or as a mayor or in some way, just because it does change your view,” he said. “This is not an episode of the West Wing. It’s real life, and everything that you do has a real cost and a real way to implement, and just understanding how it impacts people. I think that interacting with people is really important. When you go to the grocery store or the post office and you hear from your neighbors, that changes you.”

“The magic question”

How can we disagree better in everyday life? Cox and Polis, who filmed an ad together about disagreeing better at the dinner table as part of the campaign, shared several practical tips. One is to look for shared identities beyond politics as a way to come together—maybe you are both sports fans, music fans, parents, Tennesseans, or have any number of other things in common.

Another recommendation: be curious. “We call it the magic question or the magic request, which is just, ‘tell me more about why you feel that way,’” explained Cox. “That gives you a chance to kind of cool down. It shows that you’re interested in the other person. It allows them to kind of explain the reason behind what they believe…And then they’re much more likely to give you an opportunity to share your beliefs as well.” 

Cox and Polis acknowledged they have both heard from people within their own parties who question the need to engage with the other side at all and shared how they respond to those types of questions. Cox noted, in part, that people usually don’t change their minds by being attacked. “The way you actually influence people and persuade people, and I still believe in the power of persuasion, is by treating them with dignity and respect,” he said. “They’re much more likely to listen to your views when you do that.”

Polis shared his response to people who question the need to talk to the other side. “We’re all Americans, and we have to talk and listen to one another because we all care about this country and we have to work together because there are people of all different persuasions just as there are elected officials of all different persuasions,” he said. “We have to find a way to work towards the common good.”